“Mrs. D, Mrs. D—you saved my life!”
I turned to see a young woman, rushing toward me outside Chapters. It was Lacey*, a former student. She wrapped her arms around me, beaming. Years had passed since she sat in my grade nine classroom, but the impact of that year clearly stayed with her. What Lacey didn’t know that afternoon was how much she taught me about the importance of truly knowing each student as a human learner, each with different strengths, weakness, interests, passions and the need to belong.
“Focus on what students can do, not what they can’t.”
My work focuses on student strengths, not deficits, with an emphasis on social-emotional development. I teach students to leverage their abilities to address their challenges. I view giftedness not just as intellectual ability, but as heightened creativity, emotionality, sensitivity and perfectionism. Each year, I study student files and learning inventories to map strengths and interests to help understand how each child excels. This strengths-based lens shaped how I saw Lacey.
Years earlier, in mid-October, Lacey was moved into my grade nine homeroom, bringing the class to 33 students. Though other classes were smaller, my principal explained that Lacey needs to be with me, due to my background in gifted education and teaching style. The principal added that Lacey’s parents were divorced and that Lacey was struggling at home with her father’s new wife.
Within weeks, Lacey settled in and thrived in my Language Arts, Social Studies, Religion and Health classes. She especially enjoyed my integrated Humanities approach. I combined Language Arts with Social Studies and Religion with Health. Students were taught to think critically and debate thoughtfully. Many writing and reading assignments were counted towards both Language Arts and Social Studies assessments. Students knew exactly what was expected and what success looked like. Clear examples and detailed feedback guided their work. When outcomes were fully met, students earned perfect marks.
“Giftedness brings heightened emotionality, sensitivity, spirituality and perfectionism.”
Much work was done in flexible teacher-created groups based on strengths and interests, with an emphasis on discussion and writing. Lacey was highly intelligent, particularly in the verbal domain and strong in the Humanities. This giftedness brings heightened emotionality, sensitivity, spirituality and perfectionism. I sensed that her parents’ divorce weighed heavily on her. Gifted individuals often experience life’s challenges deeply. I saw Lacey’s pain and her longing to belong and feel accepted among like-minded peers.
Lacey’s father called one afternoon to ask about her behaviour—whether she was throwing fits, swearing and refusing to comply. I was stunned. I explained that I saw the opposite. Lacey is focused, capable, kind, and building strong relationships. Lacey’s father was equally surprised and ended the call, saying, “Well, please don’t hesitate to let me know if Lacey is any trouble.”
Not long after that conversation, Lacey’s father asked me to write a reference letter for a boarding school in Saskatchewan. I declined. Lacey was growing—expressing herself clearly, building confidence and connecting with peers who shared her interests. Based on what I was seeing in the classroom, I wasn’t comfortable recommending a major change. Her father explained that tensions between Lacey and his new wife had escalated and that right now, boarding school seemed best for their family. He said if I couldn’t provide a reference, perhaps the principal could find another teacher who would.
The next morning, Lacey came to homeroom early, in tears. “Why won’t you write me a recommendation letter for boarding school?”
I stood up and gently said, “Because I don’t want you to leave. You’re thriving here. You are one of the strongest students and leaders in grade nine.” She looked at me in disbelief.
“What? You want me to stay?” Lacey beamed and put her arms around me. “But I can’t live with my stepmom.”
We talked through what else might be possible. Her grandmother lived just two blocks from school— could that work? It could. Lacey moved in with her grandmother, finished the year with honours, and went on to high school thriving.
Lacey’s story raises an essential question: When a child struggles because of their environment, what should we ask before labeling them as difficult or recommending removal?
Parents and educators need to ask:
What are we missing?
What type of learner are they?
What are their strengths, interests and values?
Are we using strategies that align with how they learn best?
What is happening at home?
What has changed?
How can we adjust the environment to help them feel safe, confident and a sense of belonging?
Often, more intentional family time, focused on their child’s interests can help—game nights, reading together, cooking and sharing meals, meaningful conversations, walks and taking turns choosing activities.
Standing outside Chapters, years later, Lacey told me, I saved her life. She shared that she was in university, doing well and is very happy.
Sometimes, it just takes one person to believe in us, and to see us clearly.
*Student name changed to maintain anonymity.
Brenda is a retired teacher and Education Consultant. She holds a PhD in Gifted Education and Social-emotional Development.
