Q: I’m in my early 40s and feel like I’m drowning. My kids need help with homework every night, my mom was just diagnosed with dementia, and I’m supposed to be focused and productive at work. I’m exhausted all the time and starting to resent everyone who needs something from me. Is this just how life is now?
A: What you’re describing—being sandwiched between caring for aging parents and raising children while maintaining your career—is incredibly common, but that doesn’t make it any less overwhelming.
First, know that resentment and exhaustion are a normal response to being stretched too thin. You’re not failing—you’re dealing with multiple significant demands at once, and determining next steps will likely help reduce the very valid feelings you are experiencing.
Start by identifying what’s negotiable. Can your partner or another family member take on specific tasks? Can older kids handle more independently? Are there community resources for your mom—adult day programs, respite care, or a social worker who can help navigate supports?
At work, consider talking to your manager or HR about your Employee Assistance Program (EAP). Many people don’t realize EAPs offer more than just counseling—they often provide resources for elder care, family support, and practical problem-solving. Even a few sessions can help you create a realistic plan. If your company doesn’t have an EAP program, look at private services: sometimes having someone validate the way you feel and help guide you on a problem solving journey is the most helpful.
Next, let go of the idea that you need to do everything either by yourself or perfectly. “Good enough” parenting, acceptable work performance, and coordinated (not solo) caregiving are sustainable. Trying to excel at everything simultaneously isn’t. Prioritize tasks and ask for help.If you’re consistently feeling hopeless, having trouble sleeping, or noticing your physical health declining, talk to your doctor. You can’t pour from an empty cup, and getting support now prevents bigger problems later.
This advice is for informational purposes only and does not constitute professional psychological services. Readers experiencing mental health concerns should consult with qualified professionals. The Family Psychology Place is a sponsor of this publication. All editorial content, including expert contributors, is independently selected by our editorial team.
