One of the biggest lessons from my experience with Shed Talk with Kevin Halliday is the impact of simply listening. Taking the time to hear someone, ask a better question and learn from what they’ve lived through.
Sometimes we forget to do that. We’re thinking about our response, remembering our own story or getting ready to offer advice. Meanwhile, the person in front of us is still talking. We can miss what they’re trying to tell us because we’re already deciding what to say.
Through Shed Talk, I’ve come to appreciate how much we can learn from each other’s experiences when we slow down and pay attention. Everyone brings a different perspective. You don’t have to have lived the same life to understand someone. You just have to be willing to listen.
That’s a big part of what shoulder to shoulder means to me.
Go for a walk together. Work on something. Have a coffee. Give yourselves a reason to spend time together and let the conversation happen naturally. There doesn’t have to be pressure to share something personal the minute you arrive.
You might start with work, family or a laugh about something that happened during the week. As you get comfortable, the conversation has room to go further. And when it does, that’s your opportunity to pay attention.
We often tell men they need to open up, but we also need to think about how we respond when they do. Do we let them finish? Do we ask a question that helps us understand? Do we give them time to find their words?
Better questions can be simple ones: “What was that like for you?” “What’s been the hardest part?” or “What did you learn from that experience?”
Ask because you want to understand, and leave enough space to hear the answer.
I also think we need to be careful about immediately bringing the conversation back to ourselves. Sharing your experience can help someone feel understood, but let them tell their story first. There’s time for both of you.
That exchange is at the heart of the Shed Talk movement. Men connecting, sharing what life has taught them and learning from one another. You can contribute by speaking honestly, and you can contribute just as much by being someone who truly listens.
This November, as Movember brings attention to men’s mental health, we’re bringing men together at the Rooftop on November 24 for a Shed Talk with Kevin Halliday men’s gathering.
The gathering is about creating space for those connections and conversations. Come as you are. Meet someone new. Share an experience if you feel comfortable. Be curious about the person beside you and what you might learn from them.
My hope is that the connection continues after the gathering. Exchange numbers. Make time for that coffee. Follow up on something someone shared with you. Let them know you remember and that you care enough to ask again.
For me, shoulder to shoulder means making time for each other and being present when we’re together. We all have experiences worth sharing. When we truly listen and ask better questions, we give each other the chance to be heard—and we give ourselves the chance to learn.
